dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
