Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
