Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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