Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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