You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
