i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
