Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize