You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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