i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we're so committed to being not committed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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