dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
