I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna fight the coyote
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
