ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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