Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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