You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
