I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
