i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
