So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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