There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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