she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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