Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
