I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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