where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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