i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
