I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
