Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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