What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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