Soap is not a condiment
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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