how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
jump out the window naked night went bad
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