until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
