it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
