According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
