Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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