Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
