I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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