their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
