she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
