just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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