Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
