just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
