why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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