Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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