I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
