paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
