a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You left your phone here
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