I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
