you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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