So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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