omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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