Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We need a shit load of segways right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
