You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
