i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
