I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
