the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
