your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
