I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
