I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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