so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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