Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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