i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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