Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
